Here’s What It Was Like to Own a Hummer For a Year People of Jalopnik, I have sold my Hummer. Yes, that’s right: my giant, slow, loud, gas-guzzling, unreliable behemoth of a Hummer is now officially someone else’s problem. I am ecstatic, as is the Southeastern Pennsylvania office of the Environme Read more ... ntal Protection Agency.

Here’s What Happened When I Took My Hummer Off-Roading I recently spent an afternoon mired in the kind of fear that only really comes when you believe you’re staring down the barrel of certain death. It happened a few weeks ago, when I took my Hummer off-roading with a Jalopnik reader named Phil.

Here's How You Service And Repair An Original Hummer When you own an original Hummer, you get a lot of questions. Why is it so big? Why do you need a vehicle like this? Do you have any regard for the environment? Are you a complete idiot? Well today, you’re in for a treat, because I’ve decided to i Read more ... gnore all of these pressing issues and instead tell yo…

I Took My Hummer To New York City, And It Was Awful I recently had the opportunity to take my Hummer to New York City. This was a highly unusual experience, and it felt a lot like showing up at the dog park with an elephant. First, you want to play with everyone else. But then, you realize you might a Read more ... ccidentally crush them.

I Hypermiled My Hummer To See What Gas Mileage I Could Get Whenever new people find out that I have a Hummer, they always ask roughly the same question. First they’re surprised, and then they compose themselves a little, and then they say: What kind of gas mileage do you get? Of course, what they’re real Read more ... ly thinking is: What kind of an asshole are you?

My Neighbor Anonymously Left An Angry Note On My Hummer I recently became acquainted with one of my neighbors. Actually, “acquainted” isn’t really the right term. More like: “anonymously berated for owning and operating a giant yellow Hummer.”

Here’s Everything You Didn’t Know About The Original Hummer As many of you know, I recently purchased a Hummer. And not one of those H2 or H3 knock-off Hummers that are owned by people who wear football jerseys to church. I mean the hardcore, military-style, original Hummer, which shares its overall aerodynam Read more ... ic profile with a state map of Utah.

Comparison Test: Original Mini vs. Original Hummer I recently had the opportunity to drive an original Mini back-to-back with my original Hummer. This was a very unusual experience, and it felt a lot like that scene in Castaway where Tom Hanks is floating through the ocean on a raft made of sticks un Read more ... til he's rescued by a cargo ship the size of great…

Buying A Hummer Is A Lot Harder Than You Might Think As many of you know, I recently purchased a Hummer. For those of you who don't know much about the Hummer, allow me to explain: this is a hardcore, serious, off-road-ready military vehicle designed to do battle in camel-infested nations, except mine Read more ... has a CD player.